


take this lonely heart

by justdk



Series: keep it together [5]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, POV Adam Parrish, mentions of whelk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21691060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdk/pseuds/justdk
Summary: Adam starts spiraling when he thinks about Whelk's death and Noah's there to comfort him
Relationships: Noah Czerny & Adam Parrish
Series: keep it together [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560091
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16
Collections: Czernsgiving 2019 A Noah Week





	take this lonely heart

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Czernsgiving Day 5: you saved me/we saved each other
> 
> Title from the song Take This Lonely Heart by Nothing But Thieves

The church bells of St. Agnes woke Adam from his sleep. He’d taken the day off, not only from work, but also from the quest and his friends. He had desperately needed to rest, especially with the ley line intruding on his waking hours and directing him all over the county. It was summer and he was cramming in all the work hours he could, squeezing in time to be with Ronan, Gansey, Blue, and Noah, and scrying daily to get a sense of the ley line. 

But not today. Today he slept late, rising only when the insistent tolling of the bell couldn’t be ignored any longer. He thought of Ronan sitting in the pews not far from where he was stretched out on his mattress, his bare chest glistening with sweat from the relentless heat. He touched his fingers to the pulse in his neck, querying the reason for its sudden increase in tempo. The answer needled at the edge of his thoughts and he left it alone, for now. Now was for rest, not introspection.

Adam got up and opened the door to his apartment and left it hanging wide, creating a nice cross breeze between the open door and the opened windows. He searched his meager stash of food and settled on an apple and an off brand granola bar. The view from his stoop wasn’t half bad – he could even see Monmouth Manufacturing from here – so he sat down and ate, letting his mind drift with the breeze rustling the treetops. It reminded him of the trees in Cabeswater and Cabeswater made him think of his bargain and his bargain made him think of…

Whelk.

Adam shuddered, his appetite gone. He carefully wrapped up the rest of his granola bar and set it aside. He hugged his arms around his knees and hid his face against them. Barrington Whelk. His skin crawled and his stomach squirmed like he’d been eating worms instead of food. Worms were probably eating Whelk right now…

Gansey had all but called Adam a murderer that night in Cabeswater when Adam had refused to allow Whelk into his protected circle, leaving their Latin teacher to be trampled to death. Adam had told Gansey that it was what Whelk deserved for killing Noah and he still believed that. Whelk had murdered their friend, had tried to kill Gansey and Neeve and would have killed Adam, too. Whelk’s death was deserved and even felt _circular_ – he’d killed Noah to gain the ley line’s power but had failed only to be present when the ritual was completed with Adam’s sacrifice of himself. He had died watching Adam take the power he had so desperately craved.

Adam huddled in tighter as a chill raced up his spine. He could see Whelk’s body crushed on the forest floor, imagined the way the body would decay until only bones were left. He thought of Noah’s body undergoing the same process, lonely and forgotten by everyone except his killer. Noah, alone and restless on the corpse road, waiting for them to arrive, for the quest to begin. 

“Adam.”

It was like Adam’s thoughts had called him to his side. Noah slouched down next to him, their feet touching, and cupped Adam’s chin in his cold, cold hands.

“Don’t cry,” Noah said, wiping at the tears trickling down Adam’s face. Adam hadn’t even realized that he was crying. “Don’t cry, Adam.”

Adam swallowed hard, his throat aching and his nose stinging. More tears welled up, making his vision of Noah waver. He sniffed loudly and pressed his cheek into Noah’s palm.

“I’m not sorry he’s dead.” The words were garbled and his voice was high pitched. He didn’t sound like himself.

“Shhh, shhh.” Noah edged closer and pulled Adam to him, literally giving him his shoulder to cry on. “It’s alright, Adam.”

Adam pressed his forehead to Noah’s bony shoulder and shook his head, tears leaking onto Noah’s worn Aglionby sweater. “It’s not, though. If I can watch a man die and not regret it, what does that make me, Noah? I’m just like my father, hurting others and not giving a damn about it.”

“You’re not.” Noah’s voice was firm, so unlike his usual manner of speaking; he sounded like an authority, like a mouthpiece for truth or prophecies, like an oracle. He cupped the back of Adam’s head in his hand and whispered into his ear. “Do you want to know a secret?”

Adam shivered, the hair on his arms standing on end. Noah could be so unsettling. But he didn’t move away from his friend. Instead he nodded his head and tried to get himself together.

“I’m sort of psychic,” Noah murmured. “I _know things_ , things that will happen and things that have already happened. I’ve got insider secrets on your soul, Adam Parrish, and you know what those secrets have revealed?” Adam shook his head, too overwhelmed to speak. “They showed me that you have a good heart.” Noah’s palm touched Adam’s chest, cold rippling over his skin. “It’s been beaten and battered, raised in a place without any sustenance. I know you’re worried that you’ll never be like the others, that you’ll never be rich in love, capable of love.” Adam choked on a sob, his fingers digging into his knees hard enough almost to bruise. He _ached_ inside, Noah’s words touching on his deepest insecurities and fears.

Noah’s voice was calm and sure, his hands on Adam were steady as anchor, something he could latch onto. “I’ve never seen anyone take to love the way that you do, Adam,” Noah said. “You beat yourself up when you think of the things you’ve said and done but that’s part of growing up. You learn from your mistakes and get better, every time. Look at where you were last year, so full of hurt and anger, so alone.” Noah stroked the back of Adam’s neck, a comforting touch to go with the painful truth. “Look at you now: you have four solid, unshakable friendships. There are ups and downs but you would do anything for us, yeah?” Adam nodded. “And we’d do anything for you, no questions asked.” Noah tilted Adam’s chin up, making Adam look him in the eyes. “You dug up my bones with a backhoe.” Noah grinned. “Not many people can say they’ve done that for a friend.”

Adam laughed. Unbelievably, he laughed. “I guess so.”

“You helped save me, not just by moving my bones, but also by finishing the ritual.” Noah looked out on the view of Henrietta, a smile hovering on his lips. “I get to be with you all because of that.”

Adam felt a pang in his heart, thinking about the days when Noah had been off the ley line, his spirit lost to them.

“I want to save you for real,” Adam whispered. “When we find Glendower—”

Noah pressed his finger to Adam’s lips. “One thing at a time. It’s your day off, right? Let’s soak up the sun and you can tell me about that book you’ve been reading, the one that’s got you all excited.”

Adam let Noah distract him and shift the conversation. It was rare enough that the two of them were alone together and he didn’t want the moment to end. So he sprawled back on the floor of the apartment with Noah at his side, the sun beaming down on them, and he started in on the unlikely summer reading list and the novel he had chosen, a tale about old gods and new gods and America. Noah’s leg and shoulder pressed against his and Adam took comfort in the contact and the reassurance that Noah was with him and safe and that, at least for the moment, everything was okay.

—–

He tucked Noah’s words away, keeping them close to his heart to be examined later. When he felt like a lost cause, like the worst person alive, he dug deep into the truths that Noah had shared, finding again and again that he did have the capacity to love. Yes, he could be ruthless and cunning when he needed to, but he could also be selfless and true and _loving_. Noah had said that Adam had helped save him but the same was true of Noah; Noah had stepped in when he was struggling and had given him truth and hope and love.

_“I’ve never seen anyone take to love the way that you do, Adam.”_

He curled up around those words, holding them like the security blanket he’d never had. He held onto love and let it ease open his guarded heart. Love, in its many flavors, was surprisingly plentiful in his life – _agape, philia_ – and maybe there was something more… but that was a secret he wasn’t ready to uncover, yet.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr @dkafterdark


End file.
